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  • Writer's pictureMalar Villi

Marasmus no more

was reading the book ‘ Eight Stages of Healing’ and tried internalising this word - Marasmus , which means extreme deprivation of love or sudden abandonment that can lead to a chronic state of mourning for a child. As I I took a walk in my own sense of deprivation , I realised that it often feels like a walk in the desert. In this desert, I imagine I am going on ‘business as usual ‘ while feeling a great sense of thirst in my life. It often feels like I have accepted the feeling of being in the desert and just lucky to be alive , a feeling of hopefulness. It struck me when I reflected on the new friendship that gave me extreme joy , making me feel like I was in love , getting excited over the phone calls , the little daily reminders and knowing that it’s been a while since someone called to just ask, How are you ? Have you had your lunch ? What’s your favourite song? The curiosity over simple things led to my heart racing , feeling excited . What has become of me? Am I falling in love? Oh no, fear raced through my heart. It felt like unfaithfulness. Like the woman at the well I was seeking for things that could not satisfy And then I heard my saviour speaking Draw from my well That never shall run dry Fill my cup Lord I lift it up Lord Come and quench this thirsting of my soul Bread of heaven Feed me till I want no more Fill my cup Fill it up And make me whole There are millions in this world who are craving For pleasures, earthly things afford But none can match the wondrous treasure That I find in Jesus Christ my Lord. I hummed …and smiled. After some time, I began to accept . Yes, I am in love. It’s been a while. Too long of taking the self for granted. Yes, I thanked heaven for J , the beautiful friend, who helped me to fall in love again with myself, for helping me to see my beauty , my human need to be cared and loved. Vanity included. All the excitement that someone new wants to know me , as she is curious and I feel beautiful. I smiled cos, this time, my cup is filled with a beautiful friendship, an unconditional one , perhaps blind too and it feels enough to last me my lifetime. Marasmus , no more and I wish the J syndrome for every human walking on earth.

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